Three Years Later.... :(

Wow, so it's been just about 3 years since I last posted to my blog.  See, I said I wasn't good at keeping this thing up.  So much happens that needs my attention...it's called LIFE.  Sad news is that my mother passed away in 2014 and it has been a very hard struggle for me to be without her. Although we had our moments where we were angry with each other, what mother/daughter duo doesn't, I loved her with all my heart and miss her terribly.  The pain is easing off a bit but I try to tell her good morning every day.  I have not been able to "talk" to her as all I do is end up crying, but I think of her often.  It gets really hard when I call daddy and I hear her voice on the voicemail.  I didn't want to forget the sound of her voice so I recorded it so I will have it always.  I miss our daily chats over the phone on my way to and from work and sitting with her as she worked on her latest embroidery project.  She never kept one for herself, she always made them gifts for someone else.

Me and momma a few months before she passed:

I am still working at the same place, although we are now called Asurion instead of National Electronics Warranty (NEW), and I decided, right before mom passed from cancer, that I needed to focus more on myself and my family, particularly on mom, than the responsibilities and demands of a supervisor, so I applied for, and accepted, a position as a Quality Experience Analyst, which in essence means that I get to work from home and listen to recorded calls for 8 hours and grade them on the customer service experience.  The job can get a bit boring sometimes, especially with no one to talk to like when I worked in the office, but hey, I have a good job, I get paid well (if I stop racking up the credit card bills lol), and I'm somewhat happy. Okay, I'm happy, just not as happy as before mom passed.  I struggle with depression and anxiety every day and she isn't here to talk to like before.  She was the only person who could get me through a really bad anxiety attack.  You know, they say that an anxiety attack only lasts a maximum of 25 minutes?  That, my friends, is a load of crap.  I once had an anxiety attack that lasted over 4 hours.  I had to leave my house and go over to mom's and lay my head in her lap while we talked and she played with my hair.  That was my worst attack ever.  Thankfully I haven't had one that bad since, and I hope I never, ever do again! (she say's while crying and hardly able to see what she is typing)

Okay, I'm better now after taking a moment. Sadly, with the loss of mom I lost all motivation to do anything, including quilting. I have not sewn a stitch since before Christmas, and that was to finish my granddaughter Scarlet's baby quilt that I made, and before that it had been almost exactly a year since I touched my Janome. Oh yeah, I had a granddaughter since I last updated the blog, how could I forget???  I'm so proud of her, she is my heart and I never thought I could love anyone more than I love my own kids but I do. :)  I go crazy when I can't see her at least once a week lol.  Here is a photo of the finished quilt that I made her.  I went really fast on the binding and didn't do my best on it but I was rushing to try to get it done in time for Christmas, seeing as how I had started it before she was born in 2014!!  Mom helped me embroider the names. The backing is flannel that has the words I love mommy and I love daddy in pinks and purples. I used 8 different fat quarters plus the kona white cotton for the background and a silky pre-made binding (that was really too big for this, I should have folded it over to make it right.  I may get the quilt back and redo the binding as I'm not very proud of it...)

 

And here is a photo of my baby girl at 3 months and me and Scarlet at Thanksgiving last year (2015):

 

She sure has grown a lot and is just about walking on her own.  I'm really glad that my mom got to see her first great-granddaughter before she, mom, passed away.

 

 

Other than that not a lot has happened in the time that has passed.  I've read a lot of books, but not as many as I used to read.  I just haven't taken the time for me since mom's passing.  I've pretty much just lived life day to day.  But now it is time to get myself out of this rut!  I lost 56 pounds in a years time then after mom passed I kind of lost the encouragement and the self-motivation to keep going.  I stopped working out and boy oh boy did I eat like crazy during the holidays.  So I now have 17 pounds to lose just to get back to my previous weight and then another 40 after that to get where "I" want to be, another 50 if I get to where the doctors want me to be. I just want to be healthy, get off of all this medication I am on and be happy with myself and how I look and feel.  I don't want to be a skinny mini, and I don't care if my butt and abs are rock hard, but I would like to wear clothes that are sexy and pretty instead of always buying plus sized clothes where the manufacturers think just because you are large that you are large EVERYWHERE!  Sheesh, my legs are NOT the size of a elephants legs okay!!! 

 

I did inherit mom's embroidery machine and everything associated with it: thread, stabilizer, patterns etc., so now I need to learn how to use it like she did and put it to good use.  That is another project for another day.  For now I will end this update with my goals:

 

1. Start quilting again
2. Read more (including audiobooks), goal is currently 15 books this year, including finishing up the Outlander series since it was mom's favorite and I want to finish it for her
3. Get back on my healthy eating routine
4. Start walking and working out again
5. Learn to use mom's embroidery machine (oh and the serger too)
6. Start paying off my credit cards and save more money (to afford my quilting habit lol)
7. Play with my granddaughter as much as possible
8. Tell everyone how much they mean to me and how much I love them because you never know when your time will come to pass on from this life to the next.

And I will leave you with this from my FB timeline:





Kerensa